Now this may seem really trivial but I need to check this out with you, Mason County.
At yesterday's Port of Shelton meeting Commissioner Wallitner referred to me as "young lady". I corrected him by telling him that I'm not really that young. I then quite graciously gave him permission to call me Brenda - a name that I've been answering to for almost 60 years.
I can recall a time in my life that I felt flattered to be referred to as a young lady. But that was back in 1960 when my grandfather wanted me to fetch him a glass of water.
While I'm sure Commissioner Wallitner didn't mean to sound patronizing and I took no offense from his remark, I had to stop myself from thinking that perhaps I should run for that glass of water now - not later.
Mason County, am I being overly sensitive or am I out of touch with this area?
Wednesday, May 26, 2010
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I do not think you're being overly sensitive, Brenda. I'm a mature woman who's several years older than you, and I believe that when a man calls a woman with gray hair a "young lady," his tone of voice and/or body language will indicate if his intention is to belittle her or flatter her. Either way, his motive is to feel superior.
ReplyDeleteI myself have been referred to as "young lady" by Commissioner Wallitner, and I took no offense.
ReplyDeleteHis tone did not reflect a negative or condescending connotation. Had he born a scowl on his face and his voice took on a nasty tone, I would have most definitely taken offense. I can tell when someone is patronizing me.
Who is keeping the "Politically Correct Book" current these days?
Could this be a generational difference? If you have gray hair, you are obviously not a "young lady".
ReplyDeleteTo both Anonymous commenters, I want to thank you.
It feels like a good old boys club when ever I go in there.
ReplyDeleteI thought it sounded patronizing, but I couldn't see his face. He was wrong to do that on the record in front of a room full of folks.
ReplyDeleteI think his intent was not to patronize you, though I think you may be viewing the situation through what I call "tinted glasses", or with slight bias because of your interest with the Port. I'm a younger male who works in public safety and commonly refer to people whom are two to three times my age as "young lady" or "you man", but I am sure to make sure they know I mean it to make them feel good, with the utmost respect. If I ask how old they are, I will commonly rephrase that question to "How many years young are you ma'am?" As my mom used to say, "You get more flies with honey than with vinegar." I most always refer to people as ma'am, sir, Mr. or Mrs. as well, and sometimes people think that is "patronizing." So I suppose it depends on the situation, and the person interpreting the comment.
ReplyDeleteAnonymous, thank you for your comment. I have no problem at all answering to Mrs Hirschi or Ms Hirschi,
ReplyDeleteI'm assuming you are not as old as I am. How would you feel if someone referred to you as "boy"? I'm guessing you wouldn't like it. Dean and I have four sons ranging in age from 30 to 40. You bet they wouldn't like that. No one would ever think of referring to my husband or one of our sons as "young man".
The truth is that any personal comment about an individual's age, appearance or whatever is inappropriate in a professional setting, whether or not it is intended to offend.
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